New things going on

So summer is winding down. Not necessarily weather wise, but free-time wise.

I went back to work this week and K will be starting at public school next week! We had a pretty nice summer. Didn't get a chance to do anything very different or particularly exciting, but I enjoyed getting a little more time with the kids. We had a garage sale and our usual visit to Ohio for Jim's family reunions. The kids did the reading program at the library and a few of the events they offered as well. We finally got our beach time in last week (can't believe the weather and schedules didn't cooperate until AUGUST for us to finally get to the beach).

After two years of homeschool, we decided K is ready for public school. I was pretty much ready last year, but I didn't feel like K was emotionally ready yet. He's a pretty sensitive kid who has some personality quirks, so we felt it was still best for him to be home as he continued to develop. We wanted to give him a strong character base before sending him out to test it in a larger arena. But last year was really difficult for me, and therefore also for the kids. I was sick a lot, and often depressed and overwhelmed. It was hard to find motivation to keep teaching K while doing everything else that needs doing with two kids, a husband, a home and a job (among other things).

All the struggles brought me to a point of realizing that despite the pluses of homeschool, I don't think it is right for K and us this year. We decided early on that homeschool would be a "one year and one kid" at a time endeavor for us. Jim and I both liked school as kids and both did well in that environment. While we are very aware of the negative aspects of public education, there are plenty of great things as that I think we were ignoring for a while.

K very much needs a schedule. He thrives in knowing what is expected and what comes next. And I am not organized enough to give him that the same way a teacher in a school will be able to. He's also ready for more challenges, from other kids and from a professional teacher. As an intelligent but also very strong willed and negotiation-oriented kid, we were hitting so many barriers to him learning from me. Add in my exhaustion and constant sickness and I just didn't have enough oomph left in me to fight him tooth and nail for every scrap of learning that took place. He is a relentless seeker and loves to be in charge. I also like to be in charge, but try hard not to be over bearing. And the only way to move forward with K a lot of the time is to out work him, out think him and out plan him. And then you still only have a 50/50 chance.

We decided in the spring that the public school would be our choice for this year's schooling. I started with the eye exam and making the other doctor appointments, and then otherwise prepping him for the change. We got registered a couple of weeks ago, have most of the supplies bought and packed in his backpack, and have talked and talked about what we think it will be like this year. Yesterday we found out who his teacher will be, so that's exciting. Now we just have to wait until Thursday!

I don't expect public school to fix all of our problems with K's behavior and learning. But we're all really excited for a new chapter to start. I'm looking forward to finally having some time with S one-on-one. K tends to dominate any interaction he's involved in, or egg things on when it's difficult, so it will be nice to be able to focus on S. Especially since he's three now and needs more disciplinary attention. (Ah, the joys of three.) But now I'm free to take S to story time at the library, maybe sign him up for a Park District class or two. It sounds nice to have just one kid around for part of the day!

K is super excited about school for himself. We've discussed that it won't all be perfect, but we all feel it will work really well for K's personality. He's excited to make some new friends and have gym and lunch time and his own classroom and desk.

I'm taking the new school year as a cue to try some new things for our schedule too. The looseness of our homeschool "schedule" was a bit tough on me also since I work well having deadlines and guidelines myself. So I have some plans to have a morning and evening routine that will help make the school year run more smoothly. It feels like a new beginning. And that's always fun!

A little happy customer gushing

Not long ago I discovered the website Modcloth.com. I believe they are a sponsor of a blog I like, YoungHouseLove.com. I really liked the site, which is a mix of classic/retro/vintage/nerd clothes, decor, shoes, accessories and household items. A little bit of everything.

I started a wish list on the site right away, which is something I do for places I like so I can "shop" without having to buy anything. And so it is saved in case I do want to buy something later.

Not long after setting up my account, I got a survey asking what I thought about Modcloth. Another common thing store websites do. Not long after that, I got a follow up survey with more questions. Based on the second survey, I was apparently chosen to participate in a more in-depth marketing plan to look into how people shop and their clothing habits. The email said I would earn gift codes to use at Modcloth for my time, which is free money/clothes. So I was totally in!

I had to download an app on my iPhone and then was given three "missions" to complete over about a week or two. The first was to take out most of my clothes/shoes/accessories and take 30 second videos of different groupings, then answer a few questions about where I bought them, what I do and don't like, etc. The second mission was to take photos of five of my most recent purchases and answer questions about them. And the third was to take screen shots or pictures of every time I did anything fashion related online (checked emails from stores, put things on a wish list, checked a fashion blog or article, bought something, etc.) for two days. For each mission I completed, I got a gift code. Those three relatively small things I did gave me a total of $150!!! How awesome is that?!?!

The moderators said they liked what I had given them and now I'm scheduled to do a Skype interview on Friday to discuss online purchasing...for another $150. I've never made $75 an hour before. And it feels good.

I have to say, I'm extremely impressed with this company. I hadn't even made a purchase from them yet and I got to be a part of their research!

After I got the first gift code, I did make a purchase. I got a cool shirt and a new water bottle. Later that day, I got an update on my phone that a dress I had really wanted was back in stock. I ended up chatting with a customer service rep online to see if I could cancel the first order and get the dress instead. I couldn't cancel, but she gave me a code for free shipping and I bought the dress anyway! Great customer service, and so far I like what I've bought.

My second order was placed today (new bathing suit and a cool desk organizer to snaze up my office). I'm sure I'll be just as happy with this stuff! And then I'll still have more free money for something else after the Skype interview Friday!

The whole thing is just so cool. I've never done anything like this before and never would have expected to do so. Jim says maybe this is an indication of some type of job I could have in the future (fashion related). I'm not sure about that and have never thought of my self as particularly fashion forward, but who knows. No matter what, I'm happy as can be with the way this worked out!

The beginning of grief

I have been very fortunate in my life that I have not often had to deal with the deaths of close family members. That is certainly not the case for many people.

The first major experience I had with death was my maternal grandfather. I was 10 when he was diagnosed with cancer at 62 (I think) and quickly deteriorated over the holiday season, and ultimately died a couple of days before Christmas. The experience was a lot of firsts: first extended time around a hospital, first time I remember seeing my mom cry (she's not much of a crier), first feelings of loss.

My mom was way overwhelmed at the time, of course. She had a one year old (who barely slept), a seven-year-old and a ten-year-old. Her beloved father was dying and she had to watch it happening, trying to be supportive of her mother and brothers and get to the hospital regularly despite all of us needing her time. (I get this more now than I ever did then!) It scared me to see her be vulnerable. I don't think I saw it much before then, which is why it has always stood out so clearly from that time.

In learning to deal with the onslaught of new emotions, I decided to follow whatever my dad was doing. It seemed easier than trying to jump into what my mom was doing. When we visited the hospital, I don't remember much. I know I would follow my dad out to the hallway and wait there while everyone else talked and said goodbyes and I love yous in the room. Plus it was nice to avoid seeing someone I love change so much physically and be in so much pain. I tried to emulate my dad's more passive and (in my understanding) less emotional response. I tried very hard not to cry, not to be needy.  In retrospect, my dad was probably pretty depressed at the time and therefore even less of an example for me to follow. But how do you realize that as a kid?

I didn't do much grieving for my grandpa at the time, avoiding as much talking and experiencing as possible. I might not even have gone to the funeral. That's sort of vague in my memory. One thing I took was a memory of someone telling me that my grandpa said he was ready to die, but regretted that he wouldn't get to see me grow up. Not even sure if that was real, but it has always meant a lot to me. And, of course, I wish he could have been around longer to be a part of our lives, too.

This set the tone for my few other experiences with death.

My paternal grandmother died when I was 19. She was 75 or so, I think. I was very, very close to her. We spent lots of time together and I believe we always were kind of alike. I admired her, loved her and loved to be with her. She's practically sainted in our family, but we probably can't say that because we aren't Catholic. :)

I was in my second semester away at college when she got sicker and it became clear that she might die soon. My family had been having a hard few years my last years of high school and into college. I didn't want to be home because I was so tired of the emotional drain. I got the call from my mom that my grandma had died. I mostly remember being numb. Maybe crying a little by myself.

When I arrived at the funeral home, I saw my grandma's body in the casket and had that jolt of revulsion, sadness, loss that hits when you see the shell of someone who meant so much to you and they are not there anymore. Shortly after that, my grandfather came in and I saw him stand over her body. They had been divorced for my whole life. Their contact was quite limited over the years. The look on his face when he saw the woman he had loved and lived with and experienced so much with, even if it was years before, I will never forget. It was full of regret (or some form of that), love and, I think, fear. Like looking at his own mortality.

The funeral was hard because I had determined to not deal with it. I've always hated crying and needing things. Especially in front of others. And I took it to extremes. The day of the funeral, I did everything I could to be distracted. I didn't even sit with my family during the service. Choosing instead to sit with my maternal cousin (so it wasn't his grandma who had died) in the back of the room. I looked away and desperately tried to ignore everything everyone said about my grandma and their feelings so it wouldn't break me. There was a part of me that knew too much emotion might cause a total breakdown.

That refusal to deal, to grieve, caused the whole grief process to linger for years and years. My sadness and sense of loss actually increased for a couple of years.

Less than a year after my grandma's death, my paternal grandfather died. To be blunt, I hated my grandfather. He was a bad person. He hurt his family, his friends and just about everyone else, in his dogged pursuit of his own desires. I knew he was a broken person with a rough, loveless upbringing. But it was hard to let that matter to me when the evidence of how he deeply wounded some of the people who have mattered most in my life (my dad, my grandma) and the stories of how he continued to victimize his friends and seemingly everyone else he came into contact with were practically impossible for a justice-minded girl like me to overlook.

God dealt with my hatred until I could finally say that I loved him, even though I never liked him. But I can say pretty honestly that I didn't feel much grief when he died. We had memorial service for him. I don't know if I ever even cried, unless maybe for my dad's loss of both his parents within a year.

And that was the last family loss I experienced. It was in the year 2000.

Until yesterday. Yesterday my dad's brother, my uncle, the only other member of the Schmitt family outside of my dad and us still living, died from a short but difficult...I don't know what to call it, "battle" isn't quite right, maybe "attack" of cancer.

And now I am going to, for the first time, really, experience grief. Let myself feel it and have it. It's time.

Happy Father's Day

I'm a couple days late with this one, but I've driven close to 900 miles back and forth all over the Chicagoland area, and to Ohio and back, and Indiana and back. All in the last 10 days! 

But I still want to say a thank you to two important dads in my life. My dad and me, circa 1983-85: 

He's worked very hard to be a wonderful Dad to his three girls. Teaching us to be humble, work hard, apologize for mistakes, love others, love God and never stop learning. He demonstrates all the time what it means to take on the hard parts of life and handle them with grace and strength, no matter how weak you may feel. He has shown that it is possible to rise above illnesses and the bad parenting example he had and be better because you choose to be, and choose to let God lead you when you don't know what to do yourself. I'm thankful beyond words for his love and example and support and humor and so many, many other things.

The other is, of course, my Baby Daddy, circa 2011:

I'm SO glad that my boys have him as their father! Jim's thoughtfulness, love, practical care for others, dedication, loyalty and ability to see others for who they are (rather than what they pretend to be or what he pretends they are) makes me so excited for my boys' future. Their personalities mixed with his example will, I believe, make for some way awesome men! Jim's partnership as a parent is a much needed foil to my personality and I'm so glad we get to strive and pray and work together to raise these crazy wonderful kids.

Thanks to both of them for all they are, will be, have been, and hope to be! I love them both more than I could ever express.

Classicfied

I love classic literature. It's my favorite thing to read and usually the most fulfilling type of reading that I do. I always have a list of "need to reads" to draw from.

My latest read was Frankenstein by Mary Shelley.

We've had it on our bookshelf for a few years now, but I just got around to reading it. The decision was spurred by a classic literary criticism book (from the 70's) called The Madwoman in the Attic: The Woman Writer and the Nineteenth-Century Literary Imagination by Sandra M. Gilbert and Susan Gubar that I recently read. As an English major, I also love literary criticism. My brain actually naturally critiques the things I read and makes connections. English teachers and classes just helped me do it better. This book was a fascinating read and made we want to read or re-read all the books they wrote about and referenced.

I started re-reading Paradise Lost by John Milton, since it is one of the main reference materials that the criticism uses, but that's pretty dense reading so it's slow going. Then I picked up Frankenstein.

And, as usually happens when I read literature, I was surprised by the reality of a story I've "heard" and seen depicted before. Movies and retellings can never capture all the minutia and layers in the original. And sometimes they completely change the whole point of the plot!

Frankenstein begins with a series of letters written by a young adventurer named Robert Walton on his way to the Arctic to explore and hopefully discover things no other man has ever found. He writes to his sister about his plans and thoughts. A few letters in, he relates a fantastic tale of seeing a giant man on a dog sled in the middle of no where, and shortly after that, picking up a man named Victor Frankenstein who was pursuing the giant man and is near death. Frankenstein tells his tale to Walton and Walton relates it to his sister.

The basic plot, if you don't know, is that a young science student figures out the secret to creating human life and makes a man from elements of corpses. He brings the "man" to life, then immediately realizes that everything he has done is a bad idea and he never thought about any consequences, so he leaves. The "monster" then is left to fend for himself, having no knowledge of the world or himself. He struggles with what it means to be moral when he is met with violence from every person who has ever seen him, then struggles with hatred for the man who created him. The "monster" decides to get revenge on Frankenstein and most of the book is a sort of cat and mouse game between the two.

I'm always intrigued by the layers of separation that 19th century writers (particularly female writers) employ to tell their stories. There was a desire to give credibility to their work so they used male narrators, letter writing or third parties to tell tales that wouldn't be considered appropriate for a "proper" woman to write. The desperate acts of Frankenstein and his monster were quite shocking to readers at the time. Even now, without the explicit "horror" descriptions that a modern book might have, the tale is hideous to contemplate.

That fact that it was written by a young woman who had recently gotten married (without parental approval) and had a young child is even more interesting. I think the movies usually give off a very male vibe. They showcase man's hubris and god complex, make you think about the nature of morality and what it means to be a monster, or a monster's creator. But to think of it in terms of women, of mothers, can make it pretty mind blowing.

There are questions of hubris and god complexes in the text, but those subjects take on a different feel when you think about it from a woman's point of view. We do create human beings. We are responsible for life and (in a way) for how our "creations" turn out. Mothers are often blamed for the deeds of their children, or for not being a good mother and therefore ruining a child's life and/or future. And at the same time, a woman who becomes pregnant goes through her own metamorphosis. Bodies change shape, act differently, are beyond our control, scare us because we don't know what to expect from ourselves, or the little being inside of us.

At the same time, women have historically been seen AS monsters. Men consider them temptresses, devils, immoral, an "other" who is unpredictable and foreign. So you can see a lot in the characters of the "monster" and Frankenstein.

Frankenstein is not a difficult read, nor is it very long. But the text gives a lot for the reader to think about. I highly recommend it and thoroughly enjoyed it myself!

They gone!

For a couple of months now, K's teeth have been loose. All four of the front teeth have been a little loose, with the top left and bottom left the most wiggly. K's been waiting for a long time to lose teeth. He knows a couple of other kids who already have lost some, including his cousin, so he's been anxious to join in.

Almost daily I've been checking on the progress with him. Wiggling the teeth and discussing how they feel and how much longer it might take, etc. On Tuesday I did the same and I made my prediction that the top left tooth would come out first. It was the loosest. So much so that it sort of falls to the side and now he has a little gap on one side that wasn't there before.

But, you never can tell how these things will go!

I was baby-sitting my nephew and all three boys and I were in the van (still getting used to the fact that we HAVE a van!) on the way to pick up Jim from work. K and my nephew were sitting in the back seat together, laughing and playing. Then K made a little exclamation and told me his tooth was out. Since's he's a six-year-old boy, I had to ask a few times to make sure he wasn't joking!

To condense the story, K was pulling on a tag on one of his toys, trying to pull it out with his teeth. In the process, BOTH of his bottom teeth popped out! One landed in his lap and the other we still haven't been able to find. We were in the car so it should be there, but we can't find it because it's so little.

K was elated the rest of the day, and is still enjoying the feel.

He put the one tooth under his pillow and got his first tooth money! We actually don't do the tooth fairy thing (or santa, the Easter bunny, etc.). I don't think I've ever mentioned that before so I might do a post just on that aspect of our lives soon. So, K knew he'd be getting money from us. But we still had him put the tooth in a little tooth fairy pillow that I had as a kid and that my mom gave to him, and he got to be surprised by how much he got. Jim made two dollar bills into origami shapes and then we gave him two quarters also, since he loves quarters.

It's hard to know how much to give in this day and age! I've heard that most parents give a lot more now than our parents gave. Since he lost two teeth, and they were his first, a dollar per tooth plus a bonus quarter, seemed good. I would be interested to hear how other parents are handling this though, money-wise.

So now our boy looks like this:

Turning 3, Buggie Style

I'm getting quite behind, obviously, but S turned three on the 21st of April. It was fun to see him finally enjoy a party and opening gifts. He sang happy birthday to himself all day and was very excited to have people coming over. He ran around, playing and talking with everyone. When it was gift opening time he didn't cry or get overly distracted by all the attention and gifts. He actually had fun! Yay for growing up!

We decided on a bug theme. In part because I found caterpillar invitations on sale in the fall and in part because S does love anything bug/animal related. I don't do it up super big for two and three birthdays because I know the kids don't get much out of it yet. So I mostly worked with what I have and went simple and cheap.

Table decor was a butterfly net and butterfly balloon (from the Dollar Store) in a vase. I got polka dot napkins and mixed them with plain white napkins. Cups and plates were red, green and white, also from the Dollar Store. I thought ants on a log would be a fun appetizer. Easy, well-loved and yummy.

We made a caterpillar out of green balloons taped to the wall. Have I mentioned how much I love having an artist husband to draw things like caterpillar faces?

And decorate our baby's gift! (The gift was The Very Hungry Caterpillar by Eric Carle)

Opening presents.

Uncle Steve blowing bubbles for the kids (the neighbors were all outside and happy to join in).

S stole the bubbles for himself. He was the birthday boy!

Jim is the photographer at most of our events, since he's better at it and actually likes to do it. I don't think he's uploaded his picture yet, though, so these are all I have. I'll add photos of the cupcakes adorned with plastic bugs another time.